


The Air that We Breathe

by yangxstevens



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 17:36:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30109593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yangxstevens/pseuds/yangxstevens
Summary: Alex didn’t know how he got here. He didn’t understand how he ended up in Izzie’s farmhouse where the kids they shared lived. He didn’t know why he was sitting on her couch, staring at some tumor scan while Izzie went on and on about her date in the other room.Her date. A guy from the hospital who was apparently hot, successful and specialized in Neuro. What was it about neurosurgeons anyway?:::Another possible way Alex could have realized his life in nowhere Kansas was what he wanted. One-shot
Relationships: Alex Karev/Izzie Stevens
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	The Air that We Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this recently and decided I should just post it. This takes place somewhere in season sixteen. I really try my best to make this as plausible as possible without destroying Alex or his relationship with Jo. As an Izzex fan, I did still enjoy Jolex and respected their relationship and I really hope this comes off that way. 
> 
> We love and respect Jo Wilson, Izzie Stevens and Alex Karev around here ;)
> 
> Anyway, thanks for all the love! I’m glad people like reading this stuff. Enjoy!

———————————————  
I loved you dangerously...  
More than the air I breathe...  
———————————————

The Air that we Breathe  
Season 16

Alex didn’t know how he got here. He didn’t understand how he ended up in Izzie’s farmhouse where the kids they shared lived. He didn’t know why he was sitting on her couch, staring at some tumor scan while Izzie went on and on about her date in the other room.

Her date. A guy from the hospital who was apparently hot, successful and specialized in Neuro. What was it about neurosurgeons anyway?

He didn’t know how he got to this place but he knew that he really hated it. He hated it way more than he would ever admit so he decided to stop thinking about it. He would focus on the scans in his hand. 

It had quickly become a routine. Ever since he flew out there to meet the twins, he would wait for Izzie to return home from her job. Being away from Seattle made him desperately want to work and hearing Izzie brag about her procedures just pissed him off. She must have noticed his need to be a doctor because she started bringing home her cases and dropping them in front of him. He would look them over and they’d talk through each case. It was something he looked forward to now.

But he wasn’t remotely interested in this moment. All he could think about was this casual date Izzie hadn’t shut up about since she bursted through her front door. Alex looked back at the tumor, envying the person it belonged to. Surely this guy wasn’t listening to his ex wife describe another man's eyes in a concerning amount of detail. 

Wow. He was at the point of wishing he had a deadly tumor pressing against his frontal lobe. Seriously, how did he get here?

Izzie came rushing out into the living room, holding two hangers. “Okay, what dress do you think I should wear?” She extended the first dress out towards Alex. It was a bright red color. It looked like it was tight fitting which would have hugged her figure nicely. It was a hot dress so it probably would look hot on Izzie. Nope. He sighed. “The gray one.”

Izzie glanced down at the second dress in her hand with a small frown. “Really? This one?”

Leave it to Izzie to ask him a question when she already had an answer. If he had actually wanted her to look her best on this date then he definitely would have chosen the red one. It was really hot but then that would mean this neurosurgeon guy would get to see her in it. He’d probably stare at her boobs the whole time and then take her back to some hotel room. Yeah, the red dress was not an option for him. “The gray is more casual looking and you said you are going out for drinks so business formal or whatever you chicks call it is the way to go.” He focused his attention back to the scan.

Izzie nodded, giving the long sleeve grey dress a glance over. “You’re right. It’s not serious...I mean, I don’t think it is. We’ve been trying to go out for weeks but the damn hospital is just so…”

“Busy,” Alex retorted. He had heard the same story twice and he wasn’t interested in a third time. He was convinced this was a form of torture to her. “Yeah, you told me already. I got it.”

Izzie laughed to herself, brushing her fingers through her wavy blonde hair. “Right. Yes, I did. Sorry...I’m just...not good at this.” She glanced at her bedroom. “I’m gonna get dressed.”

Once she was gone, Alex rubbed his palms over his face. Why did he care? He was married for god sake. He loved Jo and Izzie was single. She was entitled to a love life...just not one that involved a tight red dress. 

He could hear commotion from the bedroom. She was clearly nervous for this date which meant it was serious. Izzie didn’t freak out unless it was about something that mattered to her. The neurosurgeon apparently did. What if she loved him? What if she married him? 

Izzie walking around with a big fat diamond on her finger wasn’t a pleasant thought. The neuro god would probably get her the biggest ring in the store with his salary. She’d probably move into a big mansion with a whole staff. His kids would worship their step dad. He might have to see her everyday, making out in on-calls with some tall six figure surgeon. 

What in the hell was he doing? He glanced at his own gold wedding ring. He forced thoughts of Jo into his head. He thought about what she was doing. Maybe she was at work...or with some neurosurgeon. He didn’t really have to worry about Amelia making a move so that was a non issue. What if she was with another guy? Would that incite this type of feeling too?

It was drinks. She was going out for drinks. He was ridiculous at this point. He stared back down at the scan. He would stare at that thing for as long as it took.

Izzie stumbled back into the living room, hopping on one foot as she slipped on her left heel. “You know the kids need to be in bed by nine right? They are gonna manipulate you into pushing it but trust me, two sleepy and cranky kids isn’t something you want to deal with.”

Alex nodded, still staring at the scan. “Yep. I got it. I know how to take care of my kids Iz.”

“Right, sorry,” Izzie replied in a rush. She straightened up once the heels were secured on her feet. She smiled at him. “How do I look?”

Alex glanced up at her. Damn it, maybe the red dress was the better option. She still looked hot. It hugged her figure in the best way possible. Why was he surprised? He was convinced Izzie could probably make a paper bag look good. It’s just who she was. Her blonde hair fell over one shoulder and she wore a darker shade of lipstick. He was used to pink lipstick Izzie so she must have upgraded after they separated.

“Alex?” Izzie asked, bouncing her foot anxiously. She looked at him expectantly. Doubt flickered across her face. How could she even think she didn’t look good right now?

“Uh,” Alex started, clearing his throat. “You look…” He listed off words in his head trying to figure out what was appropriate or not. He had an entire list he could use to fill the silence. Hot. Beautiful. Sexy. Way too good for this date. Please don’t go. “Good, you look good.”

Izzie sighed in relief. “Okay, good. You don’t think it’s too much? I’m not trying too hard right? Should I switch the shoes?” She looked down at them mid rant. “They make me look desperate don’t they? They totally scream ‘single mom who sucks at dating’ don’t they? Damn it...maybe I should have gone with the nude heel.”

Alex couldn’t care less about the shoe fiasco. He was too busy biting his tongue to stop any words from leaving his lips. He had already thought about begging her not to go. He could make up a lie about needing her there. Maybe he could say he wasn’t equipped to watch the kids by himself. He knew she wouldn’t buy that. He works in freaking Peds so of course he knows how to take care of kids. He also considered the option of bribing the kids with candy or a dollar bill to ask her not to leave. Seriously, what was he doing?

“The shoes are fine Iz.” He doubted her neurosurgeon lover would be staring at her shoes of all things anyways. He definitely wasn’t. He would be more focused on her face, eyes...lips. That guy was totally going to kiss her wasn’t he?

Izzie rushed to the kitchen counter, grabbing her purse. “You’re right. I’m just freaking out.” She glanced at her oven. “Do you think I have time to bake some cookies? Maybe chocolate chip? He might be more of a double chocolate kind of guy. I mean, I don’t know much about him...oh, he could totally be lactose intolerant or something. I can’t bake because what if I kill him? He could be allergic. Yep, I shouldn’t bake.”

He wanted to calm her down. He forgot how much Izzie rambled when she was stressed. It was something Alexis had picked up from her mother. Alexis really was a mini Izzie in all the best ways. He got damn lucky there.

She huffed, opening the fridge door. “The kids' dinner is in there. You can just heat it up. I already said bye to them and they are watching cartoons. They will probably be glued to that tv for the next hour.”

“I know,” Alex chimed in, watching her. “It’s okay Izzie. The kids and I will be just fine.”

She whirled back around, shutting the fridge. “I know. You’re right. You got this. I know.”

Alex smiled at her for her own reassurance. She smiled back and for a second he lost his entire train of thought but it was quickly interrupted. There was a loud knock at her front door. Her date.

Izzie let out a small gasp of surprise as she looked towards it. “He’s here.”

Alex swallowed. Her date was on the other side of the door. She was about two minutes away from walking out that door where god knows what might happen while she was gone. She might fall in love with this guy. It might be the first date that starts a long love story. She’d marry the guy with a big flashy wedding that Alex would probably have to sit through. 

This neurosurgeon would become a part of his life now. He’d be around and he and Izzie’s kids would run into his arms and call him ‘dad’ too because no one calls a step dad, ‘step dad’ anymore. This guy would be the one falling asleep next to Izzie. He’d be eating her baked goods and laughing with her over the stupidest things...like funerals.

He would buy the biggest Christmas tree and stick it in their big old home with giant presents underneath. Meanwhile, Alex and Jo would have a small underwhelming half dead tree that the kids hated. They would probably prefer their neurosurgeon step dad. Izzie would love him too. She would make waffles on Sunday with her accomplished neurosurgeon husband.

Alex couldn’t let that happen. He didn’t know why but those thoughts made him crazy. Izzie Stevens just made him crazy. 

He didn’t think. He didn’t take the time to remember the wife he loved in Seattle as he stood. He couldn’t let her go. He did it once and that didn’t turn out too well for him. He just selfishly had to stop her. Could he fake a heart attack? That would definitely keep her from answering the door but wouldn’t be very believable.

She brushed past him, opening her mouth to call out to her date that she was coming. Alex once again, didn’t think. He just grabbed her head in his hands and pulled her back to him, kissing her. Really kissing her.

Izzie gasped against his mouth and her hands pressed against his chest. He thought she’d slap him or push away but she didn’t. She kissed him back with just as much passion and need. 

He didn’t pull away until he needed to breathe. If he hadn’t needed air, he probably wouldn’t have stopped which scared him. He should have wanted to stop.

He met her eyes as she stared at him in surprise. She was breathing harder than normal and her lips were puffy. Alex could see the confusion in her dark eyes. She was clearly searching for an explanation.

He broke the silence, dropping his hands from either side of her face. He messed up her hair so he brought them back up to try and fix it. “I just...wanted to know.”

Izzie blinked in surprise. She heard the knocking again and pulled her gaze away. “I...I have a date.”

So much for that being enough to stop her. Alex shook his head. “Iz.”

She took one step back, making it nearly impossible for him to touch her if he even tried. She looked back at the door. “I...I have to go. I mean...he’s waiting...I’m paying for drinks.”

Alex nodded slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. She clearly needed a second to process what just happened. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Izzie repeated in a flustered tone. “Okay, well...I have a...I have a date that I need to go on. I need to go.” She looked away from him, whirling around on her heel and briskly walking to the door. She turned back to look at her ex husband, bumping her back against the door. “I gotta go.” She blindly reached for the door knob and moved outside, onto the front porch, shutting the door before Alex could get a good look at the neurosurgeon.

Alex rubbed his fists over his eyes until he saw purple dots behind his eyelids. What did he just do? How did he get here? 

:::

Alex had never been more grateful for his kids. Eli and Alexis kept him on his toes which left absolutely no room to think about Izzie and her date...or the kiss. Everytime his brain started to drift off, Eli would ask another question about Cristina. He and Alexis had stumbled upon one of Izzie’s many scrap books filled with pictures from their interns days. Eli was particularly curious about Cristina and cardio. 

Maybe his son would grow up wanting to specialize in Cardio? He definitely already had better empathy skills compared to Yang. He’d make a good cardio god. Alex was pleasantly surprised about the swirl of pride his kids stirred in him. Izzie had effortlessly raised two of the best human beings in the world. He wasn’t really surprised though. Takes one to raise one...or two in his case.

Every time thoughts of Izzie popped up, he was lucky his kids would pull away his attention. That luck had run out and now he was alone in her house, left with his own thoughts. The kids were fast asleep so he had no more distractions. 

Why had he done that? He was married to Jo. He loved her and she had been there for him through the ups and the downs. She never left him with a note and single handedly destroyed his life. She never turned him into a bitter mess but she also wasn’t the one he was thinking about in that moment.

Izzie. She didn’t leave his damn head. He had spent years thinking he was completely over the bright and cheery intern but was he? Married men don’t usually kiss their ex wives if they are completely and totally over them. 

Maybe it was nostalgia? He hadn’t seen her in years before he made the call a few weeks ago. He hadn’t even thought about her because he had forced himself not to. He had done a good job too and then all of that hard work went out the door. The last time he had really let himself remember her was when the roller coaster ride crashed.

The Izzie look-alike patient rattled him more than he would have liked to admit. It was like he was transported back into time, looking at the blonde who always came to his defense and baked him muffins out of the kindness of her heart. It had messed with his head but that day quickly passed and he went home with Jo. He crawled back into bed with his present, not his past. 

Jo. He loved her. He really did and when he married her, he wasn’t secretly obsessing over Izzie. It wasn’t like that. When he told Jo he loved her, he meant it. He was so sure she was his future because Izzie was his past. He had spent the last ten years telling himself that Izzie was happily married with children and now he was in that picture. She had his kids and she wasn’t married. She was dating which he obviously didn’t handle well. 

He had spent so much time trying not to give her any thought. Some days that was harder to do. Sometimes he’d see baked goods or kitchen utensils and briefly think of her. He’d always stop himself and focus on what bright future laid ahead of him. Christmas was another time where it was harder not to dwell in the past. He wasn’t a fan of the holiday to begin with but after losing Izzie...he hated it even more.

Now, she was back. She was in life, looking just like she did. She hadn’t really changed. Her personality was still bright and happy. The only real change was watching her as a mother. She was damn good at it. Maybe that’s what compelled him to kiss her? The swell of emotion he felt when he saw her with their kids. He’d just blame his actions on nostalgia and the kids.

It was easier that way.

His thoughts were quickly interrupted by the sound of a key turning into the lock. He glanced at the clock on the wall. Izzie was back already? It was only an hour and a half date? That was plenty of time for a lot to happen though.

He looked up as she quite literally stumbled into the house, flinging each heel off into the living room. She didn’t even acknowledge him as she trudged over to the kitchen. He watched with curious eyes as she reached for the cupboard. She searched for something and eventually settled on a plastic cup with animals printed all over it.

She didn’t say a word as she grabbed a bottle of wine by the neck. She effortlessly popped the cork, pouring the red liquid until the kid’s cup was practically overflowing. She took a long drink, still not paying him any attention.

Alex knew it would probably be better if he just slipped out the back door. He could stay at a hotel and avoid the inevitable conversation they would have to have. He didn’t though. A part of him had to ask the one question that would probably result in that very cup being hurled at him. “How’d the date go?”

Izzie looked up at him, completely unamused. She took another drink of wine before brushing her blonde hair away from her face. “My date? Oh, it went just great. It’s not like I spent the whole evening drinking glasses of wine like it was water and rambling like a complete psychopath until he physically couldn’t take it anymore that he made up some lie about his non existent cat needing his attention.” She shook her head, hiccuping a little as she threw back more alcohol. 

Alex just stood there. He shouldn’t be happy that the date didn’t work out but he was. He was secretly thrilled that the neurosurgeon ran out on her. He was an idiot to not find quirky Izzie hot but that wasn’t Alex’s main concern. At least he’d never have to hear about the guys eyes ever again. “Sounds like he missed out.” He gave her a crooked grin, hoping she’d find some humor in the situation. Izzie did normally find the strangest things funny so he had some hope.

“What in the hell Alex!?” Izzie demanded in a harsh whisper. The last thing she wanted to do was wake the kids. “I was really looking forward to that date. He liked me and he was hot. He was hot and you freaking kissed me?” She tapped her nail against the plastic cup. “Why would you do that?”

Alex shrugged. “I told you, I just…wanted to know.”

Izzie balked at him. She leaned against the island, just staring at him. He could tell she was trying to process what he said. She finally broke the silence. “Know what?!” She gestured her hand to herself. “You just wanted to know if my lipstick is smudge proof? Because news flash, it’s not. Did you wanna know if I was still a good kisser because I am. You didn’t need to kiss me to figure that out.”

Alex sighed in frustration. How didn’t she get this? He kissed her because he wanted to...because he wanted to see what he would feel. He needed closure but that damn kiss just seemed to create a whole other chapter.

He wasn’t good at feelings. He had never been. It wasn’t like he could explain what he was thinking because he wasn’t thinking. He was hoping she’d be able to understand that but of course, she couldn’t read between his lines. She never had been able to which wasn’t her fault. The first time he ever started having strong feelings for her, he reacted by sleeping with Olivia. He was so afraid of falling for her when he was a screw up so he screwed things up before it got more complicated. He broke her heart before she could break his and he did that out of love. Of course she didn’t see it that way. 

She was a fool if she thought he’d just lay out all his feelings on the table for her. He wasn’t that type. That wasn’t how he operated. He relied heavily on hoping Izzie could just magically figure it out. 

He matched her frustration. “You were talking about your date okay? You wouldn’t shut up about him and you were asking me what you should wear like...like I’m not the guy you were once married to. You were acting like we weren’t in love before...like I was just a casual friend. It was like the O’Malley crap all over again.”

Izzie’s eyes flashed with a certain sense of sadness at the thought of George. That type of pain would probably never completely go away. Alex understood that. He had to admit that he sometimes missed O’Malley too. There were certain times in his life where double o seven would have come in handy. 

“You just blurted out that you slept with him like I was Mer or Cristina. You didn’t even consider how that might impact me considering I wanted you before. You didn’t do that. You treated me like a chick and you were doing the exact same thing earlier. I’m not your friend who is interested in picking out what shoes will make some guy be more likely to sleep with you.”

Izzie shook her head in disbelief. “I didn’t think it would bother you considering one, you’re married and two...oh right, you’re married!” She rolled her eyes, grabbing the cup again. “You’re married Alex. You are wearing a wedding ring that was given to you by another woman. You are married to Jo so I didn’t think you’d care that I’m dating.”

Izzie had a point. He had no business judging her for dating when he had moved on too. Even if she was right, it didn’t mean he was okay with it. “I just don’t want to hear about it.”

“Okay, fine,” Izzie sighed. “I understand that. I do but that doesn’t explain why the hell you kissed me.” She eyed him carefully. “The only explanation I can find after thinking about this all night is that you tripped lips first into me and it was a complete accident.”

He knew she wasn’t actually serious about that. He wouldn’t trip and still kiss her like that. They both knew it was intentional and she was clearly in denial. “I kissed you on purpose Iz.”

“Why?” Izzie whispered. “For practice? Were you taking one for the team and making sure I was ready to kiss my date?”

“Izzie,” Alex muttered. “You sound ridiculous.”

“Well then elaborate,” Izzie challenged. “Because I’m completely and utterly lost on this. You are married, Alex. I’m not your wife anymore. You told me to go...that loving me the way you did made you hate me so no, I don’t have a single clue why you kissed me.”

“I just,” Alex started, trying to find the right words. He didn’t even know how to voice what he was feeling. He didn’t even think he was ready to acknowledge it because once he did, there would be no going back. Life would irrevocably change for both of them. “The bar.”

Izzie shook her in confusion. “What?”

“Our first kiss,” Alex explained. “When I kissed you at the bar all those years ago...I felt something...and no, don’t make a comment about your lips. You know what I’m referring to.”

Izzie but her tongue at that last part. She reevaluated what she was going to say. “That doesn’t explain why you’re kissing me now Alex.”

“That night...that first kiss...it was a first kiss,” Alex explained.

Izzie swirled the cup in her hand. “I know that was our first kiss Alex. I remember.”

“No. It was the first kiss Iz,” Alex replied, watching her confused facial expression. “I had kissed a lot of women before you...I mean a lot but it didn’t mean anything. You did. Kissing you that night felt like a first kiss...I knew then that kissing you would probably destroy my life.”

“What?” Izzie whispered, her eyes filled with emotion. For the first time, her gaze softened and she didn’t look as angry anymore. She looked more torn than angry. He could relate. “Alex…”

“I needed to know if it was still like that,” Alex admitted, rubbing his palm over his jaw. “I just wanted to see if what I’ve been feeling since I got on this freaking farm was real.”

She bit her bottom lip. “You’re married to Jo. She’s the one you should be kissing right now...not me.”

“You’re right,” Alex sighed, pacing a little closer. He stood on the other side of the island, reaching for the bottle of wine. He needed his own form of liquid courage if he was going to survive this night. 

Izzie grabbed him another plastic cup. She slid the blue one over to him, avoiding all eye contact. He took a long drink. He forgot about Izzie’s terrible taste in wine. It was better than nothing. He turned his attention back to his ex wife. “I shouldn’t have kissed you Izzie.”

She glanced down, trying to hide the hurt on her face. She nodded her head, unconsciously playing with the small left over pile of sugar on the counter. She pushed particle after particle with her nail. “I know.”

“Iz,” Alex gently said, waiting for her to look back at him. “I said I shouldn’t have kissed you...not that I didn’t want to or that I don’t want to again.”

Izzie stared at him in surprise. Her eyes were filled with emotion. “Alex, Jo.” She hoped that one syllable was enough to detour from this conversation. 

Alex swallowed, glancing down. He felt the guilt creep in. He wasn’t feeling guilty about kissing Izzie. He was supposed to feel that way but he didn’t. That’s where the guilt was stemming from. Jo Karev was back in Seattle, loving him with all her heart and he was here, counting every reason in his head why he shouldn’t touch Izzie. She deserved so much better right now. “I love Jo, Iz. I do. I married her because I love her. She’s strong, beautiful, kind and above all else, she loves me.”

She nodded, combing her hair back. “I know you love her.” She forced a small smile. “I’m happy for you. I am. I hope you believe that.”

“I do,” Alex replied, forcing his own smile. “I do know that. You’re better than me in that aspect.”

“What are you talking about?” Izzie asked, raising her eyebrow.

“You’re happy for me. I can see that. You’re standing here telling me to love Jo when I can’t even handle the thought of you getting drinks with a neurosurgeon. I don’t know how to let myself be happy for you.”

“You have to,” Izzie whispered in response. “Because that’s what we have to do.” She sighed, filling up her cup. “I screwed it up for us. I know that and I’m sorry for that but I screwed it all up. We failed at love Alex and now you’re succeeding at it. You shouldn’t let this ruin all of that.”

Alex looked down, scoffing. “Am I really succeeding Iz?” He glanced at her lips. “I’m here, kissing you. I don’t feel like that qualifies as a success.”

Izzie shrugged. “You’re a good man Alex. You’re doing your best.” She glanced around her dark house. “It’s not completely unreasonable to get caught up in this. I dropped a bomb on you. We have kids and that alone is enough to have you feeling a little nostalgic and all. I don’t think it means you aren’t a good husband or that you don’t love your wife.”

“Izzie.”

She let out a small laugh, glancing at the clock. “It’s late. I kind of just want to put this day to rest so…” She looked at him expectantly. He almost thought she wanted to ask him something by the look in her eyes. If she did, she never voiced it. “Good night. Alex.” 

She grabbed the wine bottle by its neck. She wasn’t really going to bed. She was probably going to lock herself in the bathroom and binge drink her wine. Sleep wasn’t possible tonight. 

Alex reached around, catching her wrist. He pulled her back to him. “Iz, I never told you if the kiss told me what I needed to know.”

She looked up at him in surprise. She wasn’t expecting him to stop her, let alone pull her so close to him. “Alex, I don’t really think it’s a good idea…”

“It was the first kiss,” Alex interjected. “That kiss...it was that same first kiss feeling. It’s gonna destroy my life.”

Izzie swallowed. “Alex.” She shook her head, trying to look at anything but him. “I don’t want to destroy…”

“Too late,” Alex laughed. It wasn’t really funny but it was one of those things that would only happen to him. “It’s destroyed. The person I was before I came here...he wasn’t a father. Yes, he was a damn good Peds surgeon but he wasn’t a good man.” 

Izzie tried to hide the smile but she couldn’t. He was so arrogant. “Alex, yes, you are…”

“No. I’m not,” Alex argued. He shrugged. “Okay, maybe I am. I was. Seattle made me who I am and the friendships there...they made me good. I’m not saying I'm the best guy in the world but I do know that I feel my best when I’m with you. You’ve always made me good. You’re responsible for that.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” Alex repeated. “Izzie.” He placed his hands on her arms. “I wasn’t good before I met you. I was an ass. Okay...I can still be one but not as often.”

Izzie giggled, rolling her eyes. Alex was pleased she was engaged in this because he would never ever say these types of things ever again. He was baring his soul for one night. 

“I was a jerk then but not when I was with you. You were the first person in my entire life to see me...to give me a chance. Our story wasn’t perfect but Iz…” He trailed off, searching for words. “Mer...she and Derek had something real. They had this crazy big love and I never thought I could have that. They had a family with Zola and Bailey...now Ellis. They loved each other in a way that seemed limitless. I mean Mer, she needed Derek so badly that she stood in front of a gunman, offering her life for hers. That’s a big love.”

“It was,” Izzie agreed. “They just fit. From the beginning Alex, they just fit. They had it all.”

“We can have that,” Alex stated enthusiastically. “I thought I’d never have that but I did. I had that with you. It took me too long to see that but Iz, you’re my big chance at love. I gave it up too easily the first time. I should have never let you go but that doesn’t matter now because you’re here.” He reached out and wiped the tear spilling down her cheeks. “This life on this farm in a nowhere place like Kansas with you and our kids...that’s my big love story. This is where I’m supposed to be.”

Izzie persistently shook her head to the point where she was almost dizzy. “No. Alex, I...I love you. I do and you’re my big love...of course you are but I’m not yours. Jo is. Your wife. She’s your chance at this big love story, you can still have the kids and the love of your life.”

“I do love Jo,” Alex replied, losing some of the enthusiasm in his tone. “I always will but I...I can’t bring her into my mess. Izzie, I can’t spend the rest of my life trying not to kiss you. I never ever want to hurt Jo but I can’t stay with her. I love Jo but...I can’t live without you Iz and I can’t stop loving you. If anything, this time apart has just proven that. I don’t know how to stop thinking about you and I don’t want to. I never want to.”

“Alex,” Izzie whimpered. “You’re talking about just giving up everything for this. Seattle needs you. What about Meredith? She needs her person now that Cristina is off in Switzerland cutting open hearts. Jo...she needs you too. I can’t...I don’t want to ruin your life.”

“You aren’t,” Alex assured. “Iz, you aren’t ruining a thing. I swear. You’re completing it. I want this life with you and our kids. This is what I want and it’s not something I just decided on a whim okay? I’ve been thinking about this since the second I heard your voice on the other line of the phone. This is the life we were meant to have all those years ago...before cancer, buses and hospital takeovers got in the way.”

Izzie blinked at him. “I...I can’t. Alex, I don’t want you to regret...I just think that you might...it’s just not what you really want.”

“Yes. It is,” Alex argued, matching the determination she was shooting back at him. “Iz, leaving Seattle is worth it. It’s worth it because of you and the kids. When I kissed you the first time in Joe’s...it was everything. You’re everything.”

Izzie sniffed. She was trying her best not to agree. She wanted him back. That wasn’t something she denied but she wanted him happy. She just didn’t know if she really made him happy anymore. “Alex…”

He grabbed her face in his hands, expecting her to retreat from him. She didn’t. “Izzie I want this. I promise you. I want this. I love you.”

“You love me?”

He gave her a look. “Come on. You’re just trying to get me to say it again.”

She chuckled. “Sorry. It’s just…I haven’t heard that from you in years.” She smiled. “I love you too.”

“So does that mean I can change this vacation into a permanent stay?” Alex grinned.

Izzie nodded slowly. “The kids and I would be thrilled to have you here but…”

“I know there’s a lot I’ll have to sort out,” Alex addressed. “But we’ll figure that all out together...as we go okay? I just know that I never want to leave this stupid farm again.”

Izzie gave him a bright big smile, touching his face gently. “Look at you, warming up to the idea of an outdoor lifestyle. What happened to you?”

“You,” Alex beamed, leaning over to kiss her. “You happened to me Izzie.”

“Well, you definitely haven’t lost your charm there Doctor Karev...or should I say evil spawn?”

“Haha,” Alex retorted, kissing her again. He pulled away, fixing her hair for her. “I have one more question?”

“No. You can’t have any sugar before bed,” Izzie teased.

Alex chuckled. “Do you have a waffle maker by any chance?”

Izzie just laughed at that before digging around her kitchen. She held it up with pride. Alex knew in that moment he would never be more sure of anything else in the world. He belonged here with Izzie and their kids.

—————————  
The end! <3


End file.
